"Be cruel to me 'cause I'm a fool for you."

Suck It and See ; Arctic Monkeys

I just need one thing from you. Closure.

Please, let me move on from this chapter of life.

I need a hug.

Opium.

A group of people came to school the other day. They were promoting a contest to female students where contestants are judged based on public speaking capabilities and other talents. Honestly, my interest was piqued since I'm about to go into a field where spontaneous replies and quick thinking are required. It's easy; just record a half a minute video and talk about yourself and your talents. I was like, 'Hey, this is a piece of easy pie'..until I heard the ways to actually be in the running to be the top contestants. People have to Facebook like you and the top ten girls will then be called in to be judged by a bench of qualified (I hope) judges.

This is what I dislike the most about today's competitions. You have to be Facebook popular to win. Talent is placed second after popularity. So what happens to a girl who is not really active in Facebook and does not have a great Facebook social life but she's talented as hell? I'm not implying that people who win competitions through Facebook or whatever kind of social websites are untalented. It's just..not fair. People who have tons of friends on Facebook have of course, the higher possibility of winning compared to those who have an average number of friends. How is this fair in any context?

Whatever happened to real competitions where people are judged based on talent and capabilities and not on how many fucking likes you have for your picture or video?

Bullet.

Teacher : Did you know that the curly hair is the most healthy type of hair?

Classmate : Then why did you straighten your hair?

Ooohh, burn.

___

I have finally sensed a pattern.

I love expressing myself with profanities. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not rude. I don't call or label anyone with vulgar comments or words. I don't use the word 'bitch' or any other words that could cause the same amount of damage to a person emotionally on any human being because it is very degrading, imo. I don't use profanities from different languages (Hokkien language make everything sound so bloody vulgar. No, really.) on people. Or cats.

I like using 'fuck' as a way to stress anything and everything. Emotions, actions, good music, hot men; whatever that needs stressing. In fact, 'fuck' sounds like a compliment if I use it on people. Eg. James Franco is a cool fucker or; Kelly Jones is a BAMF (Bad Ass Mother Fucker). See where I'm going with this?

Okay, so basically, I don't use bad words on anyone (unless they're mild profanities like 'asshole', because 'asshole' doesn't sound like a word that is vulgar enough to be banned from being used on human beings. To me, it is as good as 'stupid'.) for intentions of degrading or angering anyone. It's just a pretty good way to express thoughts and stuff.

Also, I just like using 'fuck'. A lot. It has such a nice ring to everything I say.

Taylor.

A happy, summery song for everyone. Because everyone's in a shitty mood these days so happy song yay! And watch my boyfriend rock out on that bass. So near yet so far. *strokes Will Sturgeon's face on computer screen*

___

104 days. Until I lose my STPM virginity to the first paper.

It feels like I'm already being fucked.

I need to get my priorities straight now. No more stalking hot guys who know nothing of my existence until further notice.

Weeds.

Radiohead's Lotus Flower earns five fucking gold stars for being so damn good. Thom's spastic dance, the bassline that has earned a temporary home in my head, Thom's falsetto voice, the lyrics. I don't remember why or how this song seemed so messed up during my first listen. The song is gorgeous.

There are many acoustic versions of this song but I prefer the full band version, because the bassline is so mindfucking.

I finally got myself to the doctor after suffering from a 10-day old sore throat that refuses to leave. I am now taking five kinds of pills and I think it is making me high or some sort. And cough mixture. Yeap, codeine. I'mma drug addict.

Not right.

I've been (and still am) sick for the past one week. Coughing and all that jazz. I guess it's that time of the year again. My voice is rough as hell, so you know who to call if you want to get it onzz.

Some girls think they can do whatever they want just because they're attractive. They take advantage of guys who have weak knees for them. They openly flirt with other guys and ignore the good guys who do not look at their breasts. And they complain that there are so many fucked up guys in the world. We women have issues that even I can't fathom. I truly pity the good guys.

When I see the good guys observing the person they have feelings for from far, I wonder how much pain they're going through. Unrequited love is always the worst. You feel so helpless. You wish you could slap some sense into that person. It sucks having to watch friends suffering from this and there's nothing you can do about it.

Good guys, you shall have the final victory.

Random : It's almost a year now.

"I need to know that it's possible that two people can stay happy together forever.

...

Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."

Juno & Mac MacGuff ; Juno

Dear The Right Person,

I'm worried that the longer you take to look for me, the more wrong I'd be for you.

That's why I don't think you exist.

That's all.

Sue.

Change.

Patriotism, not nationalism. The amazing event that took place on the 9th July 2011 has generated patriotism like no other Moral textbook could. All these years I've never understood the difference between nationalism and patriotism and I finally understood the difference between them, just by watching tens of thousands braving through tear gases and water cannons, just to have their voices heard.

I've always experienced nationalism, never patriotism. We're always taught to be proud of our country. Our nation's achievements in the world. Our accomplishments since we were a free nation. We feel happy when foreigners praise our local food. We feel proud when Penang and Malacca were listed as world heritages. I do feel proud of Malaysia and what she has reached in the past 54 years. I enjoy having multiracial friends and cultures around me. I love being a Malaysian, with or without the help of Moral or Civic books.

Yet, yesterday made me feel a whole new emotion. I couldn't comprehend why I was religiously following the updates of the rally. I couldn't understand why I choked when I read that people are getting hurt from the beatings by the authorities and the things people do to get away. I started tearing up when I see pictures of senior citizens walking along with the youths, a man with only one able foot joining the walk, people of different races walking hand in hand; all there for one purpose. I felt an overwhelming sense of pride when I saw a picture of a Chinese man holding up the microphone for a Malay man who was praying so that his prayers can be heard by other fellow Muslims, shop owners opening up their shops to allow people to eat and wash their eyes, fellow Malaysians helping each other get away and offer food to complete strangers. I laughed when I read that the rally goers picked up after them when they dispersed and when they shook hands with the police after the rally.

Years of joining the Merdeka parade have never sparked even a slightest patriotic feeling in me. That two hours of reading updates and worrying over thousands of strangers in the streets make me feel like a True Malaysian.

Many said that I shouldn't put so much hopes on Malaysia. Some adviced me to migrate to another country when I'm financially able so my children will not suffer in a biased and repressed country. I might have agreed at one point of my life, that living here will be frustrating in future. I might have even planned to move to another country.

Yet, when I saw thousands of people who chose to stand up for their country that they have silently loved, I saw hope. I saw my generation standing up, deciding that this will be our time now. "Nothing can stop us now. Nothing will stop us." I connected with my fellow Malaysians, even when I was not there with them. I read Facebook posts, Twitter updates and saw enough pictures to know that this is where I want my children to live. I saw hope for Malaysia.

I'm not going against Malaysia. In fact, I was never against Malaysia. I'm not for or against the government as well. I just want to see change. If expressing my support for Bersih and a better Malaysia is going to get me into ISA, then so be it.

Bersih has impacted my life. This will be one of those stories I'm going to tell my children; along with the ones where I attended rallies and helped fellow Malaysians regardless of race and religion (soon, if there's another rally :) ), for a better Malaysia.

I finally felt at home, amidst strangers fellow Malaysians. July 9th, the proudest day for Malaysians.

P.S. If you don't know what happened or still in the dark about this or even, have opposing views on this, please, please read the news on the Internet or just, ask me. I will not brainwash you to go against the country or be a terrorist. I just want you to understand the real condition our country is in. This is the least I can do, after watching fellow Malaysians stand up, wanting a change.