Natural

I'm alone in my room in my dorm for the first time. My roommates have left me to go back home. Honestly, I am happy to have this whole room to myself for once. I've never had this room to myself before and it feels very liberating to be able to do anything I want without being worried that one of them will open the door. I can finally blast my music without being assholey roommate!

Tonight is my last night in this room.

I'm finally done with my first year. The next time I step into university, I'll be a second year student. It's pretty scary, how fast time flies. Life in university is very quick. You blink and you're already done with one year.

I have met so many amazing people during my first year. My English coursemates who will always be my coursemates, All Outers who have given me a place to run from reality for just a while, and many, many friends.

I actually miss my roommates. We would never have become friends if we were not assigned to this room. Different background, different mentality. But I really do miss them now. I wish them well.

I am going to miss the friends who are going to graduate soon. They have inspired me to be just as amazing of a senior like they have been to me. Good luck in your future undertakings.

Here's to more memories.

Ivy.

I'm in a better place now. After much persuasion from Chris, I finally sought out professional help. I've had a couple of meetings with a counselor and he managed to help me tune my mental state to be a more positive one. I'm feeling much better now and I think I can do this. I'm actually not ashamed to tell people that I have a meeting with a counselor because I don't think it's something to be embarrassed about. However, some people really should change their views on counselors. Just because I have a counselor to talk to doesn't mean I am mentally unstable or that I am going to commit suicide. I just need a professional to help me identify the reason I think the way I thought before.

I chose to not blog about this earlier because I didn't want to jinx this. I didn't want to go all "hey I'm going to be better now yay!" and then become depressed again.

So, I guess you guys can expect more posts from me now.

Small.

I am aware of my inactive status here on this blog. No, it's not because I wanted to abandon this blog nor was I too busy to update. I was in a really bad state. I didn't want to use this blog to write depressing stuff. I wanted to stay positive. But, I did cry and was stressed out over everything. The first few weeks of being a law student was hard. It still is, but bearable now. I realised that my dream to work for the people is still so far away. Becoming a law student doesn't make that dream feel any more tangible than when I was in Form Three. It feels like it's still just a dream, not a goal.

Is this me slowly giving up on this lifelong goal because I can't see myself in a couple of years, graduating as a law student and giving help to those who need it most? I feel as if my passion to help others is faltering because the subject is difficult. It is beginning to make me dislike law. I asked myself, why do I have to go through such misery as a student to fight for the people? Why do I have to put myself in so much emotional distress and suffering? Are they really worth it? I had to leave a place where I have come to love and adore to start something that is foreign to me in the middle of the second semester. Will they understand what I had to sacrifice? I miss my friends. I miss my lecturers. I miss the familiar environment. These are the few things that made me recover from my previous state of mind that is filled with gloom and uncertainty. And now, I sense that apathetic state of mind slowly creeping in.

There will come a day when I will stop crying and it might not be due to the fact that I am happily adjusted in this new environment.

Logic.

Taken from Xin Wei

YES, IT IS.

I am a proud mother to this umbrella worm.

Rest.

I guess, I should start blogging again, huh?

Energy.

Be myself. What does that even mean? I am not born with the knowledge of being myself. Be myself. It sounds ridiculous. I am who I am today because of external influences that has shaped my being. Television shows that entertain me, influential people that I follow closely, books that brought me endless journeys, movies that opened up my mind to countless possibilities, friends who allowed me to be comfortable experimenting the types of personality available, family who loves me no matter what kind of self I am being - these are the things that create me. I am just puzzle pieces of things I stumbled upon that I have come to enjoy being.

It feels amazing to be able to play with words again. I welcome you, tappy fingers!

Mono.

Forget.

"You can express yourself with words and that is an advantage."

I am having difficulties writing for leisure purposes after having to write 3000 word essays in two days because writing became a task to fulfill. I can't find peace of mind when I type anymore. It got so bad that I cried when words were unable to flow out through my fingers when I see a blank page. My only way out from my daily life has become a job.

My dad said this to me today. And that was all I needed to hear to get back into writing. Baby steps, Sue. Baby steps.

Another.

So, this just happened. Are you happy now, Chris? Any girls who want him can call him at 1-800-DUMBASS. He's seriously the best. No one can compare to him.

*rolls eyes*