Trauma.

Here's number 13 in the Shameless Meme list that coincidentally took placed on January 13th in Kuala Lumpur.


Speak up about something crap that was done to you.

You know what's the best thing about having a blog? You can say whatever you want and this is the time when I use this space to convince others that I am not fucking around when I say that my Foster The People gig experience was robbed by gig goers who don't know the basic etiquettes of gigging. And you people, deserve a middle finger for that.

I'm not going to be nice because you people weren't nice to me, or anyone else who were nice there. Firstly, you assholes tried to squeeze through the spaces between two people to get a better view or probably, the front row if no one fucking stopped you. Then, you tried to act sweet and cute by asking if we could allow you to stand in front because you were small sized after all that sneaking and squeezing around. See, do I look like I fucking care whether you're short (which is probably due to the fact that you are like what, ten?) and need a better view of the stage? Well then, here's tip #1. If you know you need to get a better view, then fucking get in line. Vanessa and I were in line since 2:30pm and the concert starts at 8:30pm. And frankly speaking, I did not even see you children in the line during that five hours of wait. The heck, I think you were probably from the back of the line and you used the same guilt card on everyone else to get to the fourth row. And just because we didn't let you be in front of us, you decided to annoy the fuck out of the nice people whom I met during the wait. You leaned on others, making people around me feel uncomfortable. You tried to crawl between a person's legs to get in front. I have to admit, you people are the perfect example of never taking no for an answer. Then you started pushing the people in front of you when no one behind you was pushing. I mean, what's there to push when the concert hasn't even started? You annoying little pricks made a shy and quiet girl behind me so uncomfortable because you kept leaning your bodies on her and pushing her and in turn, push me. And you actually think I would believe that she was the one who would push me for the fun of it after I told you off in the politest way possible? You were lucky I refrained myself from using any profanities because although you are an uneducated child, you are a child nevertheless. And also, I am not going to allow you to ruin my gigging mood which you did eventually. So yeah, here's a little fuck you since I am not holding anything back anymore.

Here's tip #2 : Treat others the way you would like to be treated. When the guys came onstage, almost all the fans ditched their moral and basic human values and became selfish and inconsiderate bunch of low life organisms. You self centered fans continued to push when you already know that we can't go to the front because there's a thing called the metal barricade that is in between the fans and Foster and his People. But you didn't care because you continued pushing and shoving even after Mark Foster himself told you to fucking stop before someone actually dies from a crushed chest. You pushed others to the back to get in front. You pulled hairs to get in front. You elbowed people who get in your way. You get your hands on anything to pull a person behind. Bags, hair, arms, tops, bras. Anything. A Malay fan actually had her head scarf ripped off her head. That was just fucking low, okay? You didn't give all of us enough space to move or even breathe because of your constant pushing towards the stage and that made so many gig virgins to almost pass out. You didn't even bother to show concern when a girl fainted but instead, use it as an advantage to get closer to the front. Basically, the first few rows were a fucking nightmare and I actually wanted to ditch my spot for another spot that is much more comfortable. But I decided not to because I have waited for months to see Foster and The People and also, because there are so many younger fans around. On my right was a 16 year old girl who almost fainted from the heat, the shoving, the lack of air and water, the limited space to stand and other forms of abuse from other fans. On my left was a young girl who didn't have enough feet space and almost fell (which if it did happen, it would be fucking catastrophic) and was also suffering from the pushing, the heat and other forms of abuse. I felt like I had to be there to take care of them, prevent them from literally fainting and dying. I fanned and blew cool air to the girl on my right and constantly checked on both the girls between songs or whenever the shoving and pushing got really bad. They survived the whole fucking concert and I hope that they will do the same to others as I did to them if they attend more gigs in the future. And I emphasise on the word 'if' because the whole chaotic atmosphere in that hall with all the physical injury and emotional trauma experienced there actually scared nice gig goers from future concerts and that is truly a fucking shame. 

Tip #3 : Say the three magical words; please, sorry, and thanks. If I bumped into your arm, sorry will be the first word out of my mouth, whether you heard it or not with the music and crowd. If I needed to hold onto you for support, I would say please, followed by a thanks. I had to lean on the girl in front on me for support when the crowd was swaying to wherever Foster is at. I had to share foot space with the person beside me so I don't fall. I accidentally elbowed another girl in front of me while waving my arms in the air. I needed to rest my arms on the shoulder of the guy in front of me. I did all these without getting bitchstared because I used the three magical words. I am careful to not offend anyone during a gig because everyone's intentions of being there is to simply have fun. But not everyone was kind enough. You inconsiderate shit for brains people slammed your bodies into me, disabling my intake of air. You squeezed yourself between people, making everyone else to be restricted from movement. You hit my head again and again. You put your entire weight on me. And you did not even mutter a single word to me and actually stared at me. Where are your fucking manners, people? You are such a disgrace to the fan base.

Everyone was there for a little piece of Foster The People. What is the fucking point of going there you are constantly screaming and shouting while they are performing and talking? I paid money to listen to them talk and connect with the fans like we're best friends and hear them live after watching enough live performances on Youtube, not listen to your hormone induced screams whenever Foster speaks. So yeah, when I heard someone in the crowd said "Shut the fuck up, bitch. He's talking.", you have no idea how relieved I felt. I would've given that person a handshake for being so fucking awesome. Therefore, tip #4 shall be Shut the fuck up, bitch. This tip needs to be embedded in every fangirl's head. No one paid to hear how hot Foster is at a concert. No one cares how you want Pontius to be gift wrapped and placed under your Christmas tree. No one needs to hear about your sexual frustrations and how you wish to be impregnated by Foster. Basically, no one fucking buy tickets to hear fangirls in concerts. Unless you're going to shout something like "I love your music!", "You guys are fucking awesome!" or "Foster The People JYEEAHHH", you should really just shut the fuck up. Mostly for your own safety because I might hit someone someday if I hear that kind of crap again. And also, because it just pisses me off because for a band that actually produces pretty good music and is actually really good live, it just fucking sucks to see a band get downgraded from a band that makes great music to a band that has a huge female fan base just because the band consists of good looking guys. It's like, their music doesn't even matter because they are cute and that is what that's making them so successful which is just fucking sad. 

Don't you tell me I deserved all these shit because I chose to be in the Fanatic zone because this is not how a gig is supposed to be like. I have been to a few gigs and this is by far, the worst crowd I have ever came across. They robbed me from the experience of a fun gig and just, being a fan who is there to enjoy the music and the band. I got myself the Fanatic tickets because I thought that the people who would pay more than RM150 would probably be die-hard fans who love their music and are really there just to have fun. I thought the fangirls who will be there to also probably be fans of their music. I expected a crowd of happy giggers who love Foster and The People and we will all be a happy gigging family. We would crowd surf, synchonise our hand waves, cheer together and help each other out when someone is falling or fainting. I did not expect the crowd to be this vicious and bitchy. I did not expect the people to be so fucking inhumane. It was one thing to not be able to fully enjoy myself because I was busy trying to survive and helping others from falling to the ground. But to be surrounded by people who would do cruel things to another person just to get a better spot or view of the stage, it was just too much for my body. I looked out for the people who were initially around me before the gig after it ended. They were pushed behind and shoved to the other corner of the hall. People stole the FTP buttons they pinned on their tops. They were exhausted and tired. This gig drained my hopes and faith in the fan base and the entire fucking human species. I couldn't stand to be in the same room with these people who call themselves fans. No fan would do this to another fan. We love the same band. We share the same passion for the same music. It was just fucking insane. 

I have never felt so shitty after a gig. I felt so disgusted and nauseated by the people. I couldn't speak to anyone until after I got out of the hall. I was a mixture of anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment and all the other shitty emotions you can think of. No proper gig would affect a person this way. I constantly talked to Vanessa about the crowd because if I stopped to reflect on the events that took place that night, I would actually start crying. When I woke up in the morning yesterday, the misery and disappointment I felt was so intense that I can't even remember the last time I felt this way. I don't think I'm ready to attend another gig after experiencing so much emotional trauma. I can't even bring myself to put my Torches album into my CD player because it hurts so much. The only song I can listen to from them right now is Ruby because that is the only good memory I got from the concert.

It's really sad that I have to associate the whole experience with Foster The People because they were amazing on stage. They had so much energy and if I wasn't in the Fanatic zone, I would've really enjoyed myself. Foster The People needs to come back down here so I can delete this negative memory that will be connected to them and recreate a new and better one.  

Sigh.