Monday, March 30, 2015

Ashes.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that persons in possession of multiple accounts of social media, must be in want for everyone to not post their happy all the time.

Research. Studies. Articles. More research.

I've deleted my short-lived Instagram account and my Twitter account too. Unfortunately, I can't delete my Facebook account because it would prove difficult to discuss about assignments or obtain updates regarding cancelled lectures or postponed due dates (albeit rarely).

I remember the time when all the social media I used was Facebook, Tumblr and blogging. I was happy, or shall I put it, not terribly depressed. I used Facebook to gather updates about friends and look for new music; Tumblr to create a future I want to be in - the dream wardrobe and dream home; and blogging to express myself without fearing judgment, from the public and from myself. It was a good balance of accepting happiness from others and creating happiness for myself.

Then, I lost it. I stopped going to Tumblr. I stopped blogging. I guess, I lost part of myself when I stopped blogging. I lost my passion to write and ultimately, I lost my outlet to self-expression. These couple of years has been hard on me. The inactivity on my blog is not because I have nothing to say - it is because I can't find the words to say.

I have a feeling that I'm slowly spiraling deeper into my 'cave' - where I stop socialising and responding to people if I could. I realised that I can and will only come out from my 'cave' if I have had enough space and time for myself. So, this is me, helping myself. Blogging shall be my self-treatment. I will not allow myself to fall deeper into depression.

I need to force myself to blog in order for my mind to find solace and peace. I will blog once a week. Yes. For me to stick to something, I need to announce it to everyone.

I will blog once a week.

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Some quick updates:

  1. I have a 10am class tomorrow and I should prepare for this week's tutorials. Should. That is the keyword.
  2. The longer I study law, the more I feel uncertain about what I'm going to do after I graduate. I am almost certain that I don't want to be a litigator, which is pretty ironic since being a litigator was the reason I pursued law. Studying law has made me question my very being. I thought law was ingrained in my soul. I thought that I am finally pursuing my long-time dream - that I can finally be the person I was meant to be. But, more doubts and self-questioning keep popping in my mind. I might have a much more romantic soul suited for literature than I've expected. Hmm, post for another day, I guess. 
  3. I've finally visited tourist attractions in Kuala Lumpur last Friday! With a group of Shanghai exchange students, of course. I saw the Tugu Negara (National Monument) and went on a guided tour around the National Museum! I enjoyed myself so much during the guided tour in the museum that I might go again, but with Chris this time. He will definitely appreciate all the artifacts and the history behind them. 

Cute picture of the day!
I can't link this picture to the original artist or source because I got this from a friend through WhatsApp.