I am aware of my inactive status here on this blog. No, it's not because I wanted to abandon this blog nor was I too busy to update. I was in a really bad state. I didn't want to use this blog to write depressing stuff. I wanted to stay positive. But, I did cry and was stressed out over everything. The first few weeks of being a law student was hard. It still is, but bearable now. I realised that my dream to work for the people is still so far away. Becoming a law student doesn't make that dream feel any more tangible than when I was in Form Three. It feels like it's still just a dream, not a goal.
Is this me slowly giving up on this lifelong goal because I can't see myself in a couple of years, graduating as a law student and giving help to those who need it most? I feel as if my passion to help others is faltering because the subject is difficult. It is beginning to make me dislike law. I asked myself, why do I have to go through such misery as a student to fight for the people? Why do I have to put myself in so much emotional distress and suffering? Are they really worth it? I had to leave a place where I have come to love and adore to start something that is foreign to me in the middle of the second semester. Will they understand what I had to sacrifice? I miss my friends. I miss my lecturers. I miss the familiar environment. These are the few things that made me recover from my previous state of mind that is filled with gloom and uncertainty. And now, I sense that apathetic state of mind slowly creeping in.
There will come a day when I will stop crying and it might not be due to the fact that I am happily adjusted in this new environment.
