Current.

I'm wrapped up in my faculty's library right now while sitting at a cubicle next to a window. Sun is shining in through the tinted glass but no heat can be felt.

The more I study law, the more I realised that I am not really suitable to be in this field. I'm no longer passionate to learn which is surprising - surprisingly sad. I've always been that person who would spend half a day, reading and Googling about Nordic gods and philosophies of religion.

I don't like the person I am becoming but at the same time, I feel like, this is me growing up? A friend asked me how was literature before I transferred to law and I told him it's less stressful than law and that I do miss studying literature. He then proceeded to tell me that while he was finishing up his research paper which is one of a core paper in law, he felt as if he couldn't fit into the legal field anymore and was thinking about transferring to literature. He took literature during high school. He asked me whether it's too late to transfer to literature now. I smiled at him, told him that it kinda looks like it's a bit too late (he's going into his final year next semester), gave a tiny laugh and shrugged the subject away. Deep inside, I knew exactly how he felt but chose not to talk about it, fearing that it might reignite the feeling of helplessness I had during the transition from literature to law.

I realised I've been awfully whiny. I whined about how I can't blog anymore when I was still in literature because I hated writing due to the large number of assignments I had to write and lost the ability to express myself. Now, I whine about how law school is so stressful and that I can't see myself being in this field. Sigh.

While sitting at the cubicle, thinking about what to write next, I too realised that I have not been too appreciative with the opportunity to study law. All I've been doing is whine and complain about how stressful law is and that I just wanna go back to where I have always been comfortable - literature. I've never really told myself to try and enjoy learning law. There are subjects like Environmental Law that I enjoyed learning - mostly because of the lecturer, Dr. Sarah. She somewhat rekindled my interest and the whole reason I wanted to study law - to help the helpless. People who are affected by environmental hazards like the Lynas case and animals that need people like me to be their voice - these vulnerable groups. But lecturers like her that breathe life into law are hard to come by. It's so hard to be inspired when law is taught to us so that we understand and score during the finals. I guess, we have to take the extra step of looking further than what we are exposed.

Back to studying. Wish me luck, everyone.