I'm unsure of the purpose I'm here, on Earth. Every time the minute hand on the clock moves clockwise, I'm one minute closer to death, closer to The End. Yet, I'm still trying to figure out the purpose of my existence. I've been existing for 19 years now. Existing without a sense of purpose. Is this how we are made to live our early years? Simply living because we're too young to think about our reason of being born on the day we're born, at the hour we're born? Why has no one ever encouraged me to think about the purpose of living? About my purpose of living? Has age ever been a factor to understand philosophy? I've seen people twice my age who are still in the dark, just sitting in the dark; instead of groping around for the light switch.
The world has been too preoccupied with silly, unimportant things. Sex, money, reality shows, celebrities. We have been corrupted by the way society has made us view our lives. We need paper qualifications to be successful. We need more money to be influential. Maybe with aiding factors like money and paper qualification, we will know or fulfill our purpose of existence. To influence or change the world. That is, if that's our purpose of existence. But television and other forms of media have given a cruel twist to that. We are contained in a box. We are made to study hard, because that's our purpose as a son or daughter to our parents. We are made to humour friends, because that's our purpose as a friend. We are made to earn money to support our family, because that's our purpose as a provider, as a parent.
Our purpose in life has been defined by external factors. By the society. However, can I accept them as the purpose of my existence? I highly doubt it.
"You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world."
Tyler Durden ; Fight Club
I won't start bringing up questions whether the purpose of my existence is already written down in a hardcover book by Fate or whether I'm responsible to write it down myself. That's a different topic altogether.
It's just that, we have been blinded by the purpose society has handwritten for us. And we didn't even realise it. We're so busy trying to be the mould the world wants us to be that when we experience a near-death situation, we will finally realise that we've been living for nothing. Existing without a sense of purpose.
2 comments:
I don't know what it is about Form 6 that brings out all these existential, Why-am-I-here-what-am-I-doing-what-does-anything-mean thoughts, but there you go.
I personally believe we are never too old or too young to ask these questions, to wonder, and to never be given answers. You're not HUMAN if you don't stop, at least once in your life, to stop and ask yourself why you were put here and what you're meant to do with your 70-dd years, or however much time it is you will have. I've thought about it a lot some days, and on other days I don't think about it all - I get quite happy floating in my comfortable bubble and comfort zones of school-eat-sleep-music-movies-friends. And that's what I'm most afraid of - apathy. Losing that sense of curiosity, or wonder, or questioning. Not just about life or who made us or where we're going,but simple stuff like oh I don't know, who Shakespeare really was or how a washing machine knows to stop spinning when I lift the lid to pour more Softlan inside.
That second bit of your post, about paper qualifications and getting a job and shit, reminds me of something from One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, about the difference between the insane and the so-called sane. Where those in the outside world were doing everything some invisible, unwritten, unspoken rule of society says and are deemed "sane" whereas the people who just did and became whatever they wanted were labelled mad and thrown in institutions. Which group is TRULY insane, then?
As for Free Will vs Determinism, you're right, that's a topic for whole BOOK there. I get depressed thinking about this stuff because I can't seem to see a way out. You can be as individualistic as you like but in many ways you're still going to be conforming to some societal more or principle in order to still be considered a functional part of that community. You want to stand out, but you want to belong. Why do I need a degree? Why do I need a job and a car and a house and a husband to be considered a NORMAL, let alone successful, human being?
Am I meant to do or be something great? Or large or how insignificant will my impact be on someone's life? Will I write a book or a song that touches millions, or adopt an orphan child or end poverty or become Prime Minister, I mean what?
I think it's impossible to escape society and its demands, unless you're truly a spectacular person which I don't think I am. The best I can do I suppose, is always ask and think and question and seek, and take interest and pleasure in the small things, and try to mean something to the handful of friends and family that I love. I suppose I've been seeing it a lot with my aunt recently. She didn't do anything extraordinarily amazing, but what she did for the quite literally hundreds of people who have been coming to see her is amazing. She loved and was loved, she gave a million more things than she ever received, and I think anyone would have been insanely lucky to have her as a friend. And just a few hours ago, everyone crowded around her bed to sing her favourite song, "Doa Untuk Kekasih". You may only have a meaning and purpose for a few people, but to those few, you matter. Your life matters to them, the fact that you're leaving them matters to them, your favourite song matters to them, that one time you listened to them when they were having a bad day matters. To them, your existence counts for something. You're an insignificant piece of dust compared to everyone who has lived and lives and will live after you, but for a little while, to some people, you were a part of their lives.
Fuck, I don't even know la. It's late, and Alex Turner's voice is making my brain mushy. Yeah. I'm going to go watch Fish Tank again.
Um, also my comment is longer than your post. Sorreh.
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