Tenth.

I think I'm going to faint from the amount of nerdiness here. 

DATZ DOCTAARR AND ROSEE OMG *faints*

Fly.

A couple of things happened while I was in Penang for five days with my travelling buddy.

One. I dropped my phone in Penang and it is gone forever. It fell out of my pocket before I remember that I should be putting it in my bag instead of my pocket. And tadaa, gone. It's not even two years old ugh. This is the first time that I dropped it and it really vanishes. I had to walk along a busy road to look for it, which brings me to number two;

Two. Some creepy Malay dude on a motorbike stopped by the road and offered me money to follow him home. Not the kind of conversation I was expecting to have at 9am while looking for my missing phone with stickers on it. He firstly stopped his bike by the road and asked if I needed a ride anywhere. I declined his offer politely and continued looking for my phone. He then started shouting, "Marilah ikut abang balik. Berapa you nak? Berapa? Berapa? (Why don't you follow me home? How much do you want? How much? How much?)" at me. I ignored him and continued walking along the road. Oh, but that's not the best part of this little tale. Apparently, he rode away and took a U-turn and stopped in front of me for the second time. And asked me again how much I wanted from him so I'll follow him. I pretended I didn't hear him and continued walking before I saw Chris, my Penang friend and told him I wanted to leave that area pronto.

When I was propositioned, I wasn't scared or worried about my safety. It finally sank in when I saw Chris. I told Chris that there is this dude who is stalking me and he wants me to get on his bike and he was shocked and apologetic. He said he didn't expect such things to happen in the morning on a super busy main road and he was sorry for leaving me alone to look for my phone. I was pretty shaken by that incident and I didn't bother looking for my phone anymore. An hour later or so, I asked Chris if I looked like a prostitute because I couldn't understand why that man would suggest such a thing to a passerby. I was wearing shorts and a tank top. I wasn't naked or in my undergarments. Even if I was naked, there is no reason why that man had to sexually harass me in broad daylight on a busy road. But I was lucky that this happened along a busy road because he couldn't do anything physical to me or force me to the ground. 

Fucking creepy dude, fuck you. I pity your wife and your family for having you as a member of their family. I pity your friends that recognised you as their friend. You are a disgrace to mankind. You are the reason why women don't feel safe walking alone. You are the reason why the majority of men who are much more of a man in their fingertips than you can ever dream to be are forced to live behind your shadow. You disgust me.

Three. I remember how much I love the beach. It has been more than ten years since I felt sand between my toes. I miss the feeling of my feet sinking into the sand. I miss the splash of the cold water as I stroll along the beach. I love beaches. Damn it, I fucking miss the beach right now. I could just walk 500 miles along the sea shore.

Four. Saying goodbye is the hardest. 

Living.

I remember listening to Cat Power's Sea of Love on repeat until I fell asleep. I remember feeling numb and weak; so numb and weak that I couldn't even feel or move my limbs. I just laid on my bed for hours in the same fetal position with that song spiraling around in my head. I remember having tears in my eyes while I was in bed. I remember feeling angry, sad and disappointed, all at the same time. I remember imagining that flicker of hope slowly diminishing into nothingness. I remember sinking into deep slumber, finally able to escape reality just for a while.

Just now, that song was played, randomly chosen from thousands of songs I have on my playlist and I was transported back in time. It's like the emotions and memories are so fresh, I can't do anything but to succumb to the weight of the emotions. I turned speechless and stared at the air.

I guess it's true. You can never forget your first love, no matter how hard you try. It never really goes away.

Scatter.

Number two on The Shameless List : Look a fool.



I sprained my ankle. In a shopping mall. On a Friday night when the mall is pretty filled with people. And I tried to hobble around without attracting any much attention to myself. I think one of the security guards looked suspiciously at me because I was laughing at my own injuries while cringing at the pain. I'm not sure if shoplifters put up an act like this when they're trying to steal something but he was definitely eyeing me until I left the shop. I had to walk very near to the wall in case my foot is in too much pain and I had to grip the wall for dear life. A friend had to provide support to me when I walk down the stairs just so I don't roll down the stairs and sprain another ankle. Or break a neck. Every step I took, I would groan in pain and scream loudly, "Ow at my ankle! OW AT MY ANKLE!". I guess I wasn't even trying to blend in with the other able people.

My foot on Friday night

Truth be told, I wasn't actually dreading this sprain. I was actually excited about it because I have never gotten a foot injury so bad that would cause me to rely on others for support. On the first night, I wasn't sure if I only sprained my ankle or if I had fractured my foot. But honestly, I hoped it was a fracture just because I wanted to have my foot x-rayed (I'm never seen the inside of my body before okay?). Then my dad told me the worst part of getting a fracture : I have to put my foot in a cast and if it itches, I won't be able to scratch it. WHAT A NIGHTMARE.

The next morning was the worst part. Yes, embarrassing myself in a shopping mall wasn't as bad as trying to get out of bed with a swollen ankle. I couldn't put any pressure on that foot without screaming in pain. I couldn't walk. I had to hop around with my other foot. I almost smashed my younger brother's laptop (it was on the floor) by landing my ass on it. I couldn't even use the damn toilet because it was wet and hopping in there would be as good as standing beside a building that is about to be detonated. That was nothing compared to this : my house has stairs. I had to crawl on the stairs to get downstairs. I hopped into the car (ahha) and got myself to a clinic to get my foot checked. Sure enough, it wasn't a fracture. It was just a sprain and my parents were relieved. My foot had to be bandaged and it looked pretty cool, to be honest.

A lady in the clinic asked me if I've gotten this injury because I was an athlete. Oh, how I wished I was an athlete so I can salvage some of my dignity but no, I'm not an athlete. I told her the cause of my injury : I missed a step and I fell on my ass in a shopping mall. She laughed a little and poof, there goes my dignity.