Living.

I remember listening to Cat Power's Sea of Love on repeat until I fell asleep. I remember feeling numb and weak; so numb and weak that I couldn't even feel or move my limbs. I just laid on my bed for hours in the same fetal position with that song spiraling around in my head. I remember having tears in my eyes while I was in bed. I remember feeling angry, sad and disappointed, all at the same time. I remember imagining that flicker of hope slowly diminishing into nothingness. I remember sinking into deep slumber, finally able to escape reality just for a while.

Just now, that song was played, randomly chosen from thousands of songs I have on my playlist and I was transported back in time. It's like the emotions and memories are so fresh, I can't do anything but to succumb to the weight of the emotions. I turned speechless and stared at the air.

I guess it's true. You can never forget your first love, no matter how hard you try. It never really goes away.