Monday, February 20, 2012

Shelter.

I am going to try this because I can. The first few weeks will be the hardest because my body will be adjusting to the lack of chemicals on my body. I hope this works because hey, if cavemen are able to survive without shampoo and soap, why the fuck can't we?
_______________

I don't usually leave my blog unattended for so many days but I've been finding it difficult to blog. I don't feel that familiar sensation when I open a blank page to spill everything out. Blogging feels like a chore. Words are not flowing out smoothly through my fingers. It's a jerky, uncomfortable process.

Today, I realised nature doesn't affect me the way it did anymore. I stopped catching myself looking at the skies for too long. I stopped inhaling everything good and exhaling everything bad out of my system whenever I'm in a park or when amongst trees or plants. I don't feel the unwanted weight being lifted off my body when I am surrounded by nature. I don't find myself anticipating evening walks in parks with music in my ears, as a form of temporary escapism.

After spending hours reading in my room today, I closed my book and I stared into space and it felt as if I didn't belong there; like, I was placed there. Everything in that room didn't seem to fit into the picture. Out of place. Mismatched.

I still don't feel lighter or better after typing all that. My eyes are zooming in and out of focus as I stare at the screen. Something is wrong here.

I'm supposed to be better. I'm not supposed to go through this stupid phase again.

No comments: