Lady.

Proper post today.

Numero uno, ACTA. Seriously, what is the Governments' problem with our Internet? (Here's a gist of ACTA) Don't they get that this is our territory they are messing with? Haven't they learned their lesson after watching "largest online protest in history" against SOPA/PIPA? Gosh, politician dudes. Just leave our Internet alone. We're letting you guys feel comfy and important in your seats right?

Just. Don't.


Numero dos. I'm an ISTP, or so this quiz says. And I think it's absolutely incredible that the ISTP Wikipedia article is an almost perfect depiction of my personality. I have always doubted the whole 'everyone is different' idea. But now, this. This is some legit shit. Sure, we're not the same persons but we're pretty similar. We have the same goals in lives (to be validated) and the same fears (failing in life). How different are we exactly? Everyone wants to be described as different or unique because let's face it, it's like death and the afterlife. We create a whole heaven and hell idea because we "couldn't bear the idea of death being a big, black nothing, couldn't imagine themselves not existing." (Looking For Alaska, 2005) Similarly, we tell ourselves that we are different because we need to feel special or what is the point of being your own person? The point here is I am an ISTP and you might be an ISTP and the person drinking that frappuchino in Starbucks could be an ISTP too. We're not really that special, right?

And now, we know there are sixteen kinds of people in this world and not 7 billion kinds of people.

I sound like a pessimist. Ngeh.

Here, have a happy Ponsi with a kitty.


Numero tres, I'll be completely honest here. I think History fucking rocks. Yes, I may have disliked History as much as I disliked dirty toilets during the early years of my secondary schooling life (yes, that much) but I have come to realise that History is actually pretty cool. It's not that boring, if you have the interest to learn about the things people did last time and how it shapes our present. I mean, c'mon. The Crusades is pretty fucking awesome okay? And also, the history of the United Kingdom which I have not read about but will do so soon because it's complicated and shit, just the way I like it. I have learned about the Agricultural Revolution for my exams and this (see below) still makes me fascinated and proud of my cavemen ancestors.




Numero four (ehhe), I am not one of the happy moviegoers of the Hunger Games movie. It's not that the movie is badly done or it strayed really far from the book. The CGIs were really impressive and the cast were brilliant. It's just, the movie simply left me cold and in need of more fuzziness and heartbreak. They left out the bits and pieces that make the book wonderful. Look away now if you have not watch the movie. Because I don't want people to be going around, calling me a person who strips people from the pleasure of watching a movie. *Spoiler alert* They left out Madge (HOW COULD THEY?), the tributes' eyes in the mutations created by The Capitol and the Katniss-Peeta bonding sessions. *End spoiler* And also, not enough violence in the movie. Look, the book is really descriptive with the way the tributes die and sufer but the movie doesn't project the same amount like the book. The violence is to show the extend humans are willing to go to survive and also, to show how fucked up The Capitol is since they are watching these children die as a form of entertainment. These are the itsy bitsy pieces that make The Hunger Games. But they weren't present so much in the movie which is a fucking shame.

But the soundtrack? Pwoah. Especially this. This is fucking boss.

Ice.

I bought finger puppets! I bought them because I had to. They are too fucking cute.

And now, I found a new purpose for them. I can curse without looking too offensive.

This fuck-you from an elephant is dedicated to an asshole out there. Oh, I sure hope you know who you are because this is as offensive as I can get in the blogosphere. I don't usually post pictures of middle fingers around here but if you're feeling uncomfortable after reading this, then this is for you.

So, yeah. Have a nice day and fuck you.

Wind.

Leaky nose, coughs, watery eyes, sneezing at an average of twenty time a day and an itsy bitsy sore throat. That's what I get for wanting to go to Singapore for kicks. Huzzah!

Oh, lookie here. I might be having a fever now. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Flood.

This Valentine's Day, I was greeted with pictures of a 21 year old friend who just got married on Facebook. White dress and all. Today, I found out that another friend who is the same age as I am is pregnant and engaged. In this one month period, I have been bombarded with ideas of women settling down and being someone's wife.

It's not that I'm feeling bitter because they have someone and I don't. It's not that I'm terrified that I won't be able to find someone to settle down with. Don't worry, my biological clock is not ticking. I'm mostly traumatised by those findings because:-

1) I've just graduated from high school and they are already settling down.
2) I have not even enrolled myself in a university and they are already making plans for a marriage.
3) I don't have that special someone and they are already making babies.


Do you understand the trauma I'm currently experiencing? They are my friends. They are the people whom I usually see and say hi when I was in school. And now, they are someone's wife. Someone's mother. I'm not sure if they are moving too fucking fast or I'm just too slow when it comes to matters like this. I'm highly positive they are moving like a fucking bullet train. Yes, that must be it.

I knew that once I step into my twenties, I will start receiving wedding invitations with my name on it, instead of my parents' from friends. I will begin seeing engagement rings on their fingers. I expected events like these to take place in y'know, three to four years' time. Not after three fucking months of being twenty. Heck, I am not even twenty yet. I'm not even twenty and the people I know are already having embryos and foetuses in their wombs. Legally. So, yeah. Forgive me for overreacting after finding out that a 20 year old girl that I know and gone to school with is about to get married because I am not mentally prepared to handle this yet. I expected people in the age range of 20 to 22 to be as clueless and reckless with their lives as I am and be all 'Woohooo, we are still young so we can be reckless young adults! Bring on the booze yeah!' and not y'know, earning to support a family.

I am not a university student yet and they are already someone's parents. Wa-ow. I don't know how to react to this.

Martin, you and I both. You and I both.

Clouds.

So yeah, remember this? Yeeahhh, about that.

I win.

Glorious day, today. But no one should try it. Last minute studying, I mean. Of course, it is possible but you can die doing this. I almost did, to be honest. Those sleepless nights, sudden panic attacks, constant urges to vomit, frequent bickering with yourself (WHY DID YOU PUT YOURSELF IN THIS SHIT GUHHH). It is hard work, people. Don't ever put yourself in that situation if you have a choice.

My juniors asked me what was my secret to obtaining those pretty little alphabets and I told them the truth. "Last minute studying." Oh, the look on their faces. I knew I should've given those conventional answers. But look, I'm not a role model, people. No one should follow my footsteps. I'm lazy. I don't finish my homework. I verbally punch teachers. I get myself into too much trouble in school. I'm a good example of a bad student. So, yes. Study smart like how everyone says you should. Listen to your teachers. Don't take advices from me.

Since I was twelve, I've been lucky when it comes to major exams. And I hope this streak of luck continues. Because I am going to still need it.

But, yes. Halle-fucking-lujah, everyone!

There.

Are you familiar with the feeling when you hear a song that was significant to you at one point of your life after years of not hearing a note of it? When your music player was on shuffle and it plays that song that has been buried under thousands of other songs?

I heard this song just now, when I was looking through pictures in Tumblr. When the guitar part came on, I stopped. I had to because I couldn't do anything else but to focus on the song. It felt so good to listen to a song that got me through one of the difficult phases in my life. The song felt so familiar. It transported me back to the year 2008. Horrible year. What can I say? It was the year I began realising that everything we as teenagers have been hoping for - popularity, mostly - means nothing. More friends for what? Useless. It was the year I began to fall out with friends. One by one, fight after fight. I admit that I was pretty well-known (I am not boasting, I promise) and I simply fell out of the grid in 2008 and in 2009, I was pretty much last year's news. Not that I was complaining.

And here I am, in 2012. Listening to the same song that got me through those dark and numb nights. I remember having this song on repeat for more than four hours. I was lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling with my doors locked. And this reminds me of how much music matters to me. It is music that helps in the purging of my soul during my lowest. When I heard it again today after so many years, it sounds brand new. Like, music I have never heard before. And it's doing it again; cleansing my soul and making life tad more bearable.

I will never be able to repay musicians. Their music is forever helping me up, even after I have abandoned them. This song has not seen the daylight for years and yet, it never left me. Still there. Forever there. Thank God for music.

Murmur.

Let me tell you what I'm feeling. I feel useless now. I can't conjure words at my whim anymore. I can't find the right words to express my thoughts. I need to take an extra five minutes to locate the words in my mind because it has hidden somewhere deep in my mind palace due to the lack of usage in my daily life. I have so many thoughts and views to share but I can't seem to find those words. This is one of the reasons why blogging is becoming such a task now. I frequent Blogger to start with a post but I can't finish it. I end up closing the page halfway through a post.

I can't find the words.

I can feel my brain degrading. I can feel my mind becoming lazy. And this is very frightening.

Words are my sword and I can't wield them perfectly anymore.