Dry.

Today is a frustrating day. I left my pendrive in my room, I couldn't connect to the university's wifi, the printing place in my faculty has computers with high levels of suckage and I am having biscuits and Milo for lunch. The moment I arrived back to my room, I dug out my emergencies-only chocolate bar, ripped the golden wrapping off and sank my teeth into it. It's not just today's crappy events that has been leaving me frustrated. It's the other things. The other bigger things. There is only so much suckage a person can handle and this is my limit. I even called my dad to hear his voice - a familiar voice and then, proceeded to cry at Chris.

I just want to hide in a hole for a week with ice cream and Milo but I can't. Because I still need to get that assignment printed.

Plus.

So, as of today, I am a student in University of Malaya. What can I say about Orientation Week is that the first few days were torturous; waking up at 4:30am and sleeping after 12am, running around UM (I fell and almost sprained my left foot that I previously sprained), screaming my lungs out, suffered from constipation because I was too tired to actually spare some time to excrete waste products from my body, being forced to wear the same two shirts for the whole week and leg muscles screaming in pain. Then, it became less stressful but still as tiring. The best part about Orientation Week however is whenever I'm at the Tunku Canselor Hall. The cheers by each college is something everyone should see at least once in their lives. It's the one of the best things I've ever experienced. The hall becomes fucking alive when every college is chanting their cheers and stomping the shit out of the floor and it's just amazing to be in the middle of that. I lost my voice and bruised my lap and hands because well, I cheered.

Truth be told, I don't know how private colleges or universities do their orientation week but I would never trade this for an orientation week in a private tertiary institution. Sure, I suffered from body aches and bruises and I lost my voice but the experience is something I truly cherish. I would go through it all over again just to be surrounded by thousands of people doing the same cheers and hand gestures when we do our Siswa UM cheer, without a fucking doubt.

Cereal.

I'm going off to university tomorrow. I've packed my stuff and I'm pretty sure I'm not moving an entire house worth of stuff into a cubicle sized room. Nah, I'm just kidding. I've never seen the room I'm about to live in for the next one year. I'm sure it's bigger than a cubicle.

It better be.

A bag full of clothes, a blue container half filled with food, a school bag with stationery and important documents, a bottle of water in case they forget to supply us with water, a Samsung bag with other miscellaneous items, and a pail filled with toiletries and other stuff plus pillows and shoes I copied and pasted into the picture with Paint.

Man, I'm good at editing. It's flawless!

Only.

Oh my God, the water's cold and shapeless
Oh my God, it's all around
Oh my God, life is cold and formless
Oh my God, it's all around

Charlie Darwin ; The Low Anthem

Trade.

University life, I'm not sure if I anticipate it or dread it. There are days when I feel glad that I'm finally going somewhere I've been dreaming since I was a kid. There are days when I feel life is unfair for forcing me to make such an awful decision of choosing between two dreams. Life is never easy.

Public.

Oh, come the fuck on. Not again. What is with people and our Internet?

Be educated :

Click on the image to read (because the words are tinier than ants, duh).

Numerous articles here. 

Or if you're too lazy to read, listen to this then.

tl;dr : If someone uses your wifi and post shit, you'll go to jail for it. If people post shit on your blog. you'll go to jail for it. If someone hacks your account and posts shit, you'll go to jail for it. Because this act allows presumption that you have posted shit. And you have to prove that you didn't. Basically, this means that you are guilty until proven innocent. 

2012 is a shit year for the Internet.

Tenth.

I think I'm going to faint from the amount of nerdiness here. 

DATZ DOCTAARR AND ROSEE OMG *faints*

Fly.

A couple of things happened while I was in Penang for five days with my travelling buddy.

One. I dropped my phone in Penang and it is gone forever. It fell out of my pocket before I remember that I should be putting it in my bag instead of my pocket. And tadaa, gone. It's not even two years old ugh. This is the first time that I dropped it and it really vanishes. I had to walk along a busy road to look for it, which brings me to number two;

Two. Some creepy Malay dude on a motorbike stopped by the road and offered me money to follow him home. Not the kind of conversation I was expecting to have at 9am while looking for my missing phone with stickers on it. He firstly stopped his bike by the road and asked if I needed a ride anywhere. I declined his offer politely and continued looking for my phone. He then started shouting, "Marilah ikut abang balik. Berapa you nak? Berapa? Berapa? (Why don't you follow me home? How much do you want? How much? How much?)" at me. I ignored him and continued walking along the road. Oh, but that's not the best part of this little tale. Apparently, he rode away and took a U-turn and stopped in front of me for the second time. And asked me again how much I wanted from him so I'll follow him. I pretended I didn't hear him and continued walking before I saw Chris, my Penang friend and told him I wanted to leave that area pronto.

When I was propositioned, I wasn't scared or worried about my safety. It finally sank in when I saw Chris. I told Chris that there is this dude who is stalking me and he wants me to get on his bike and he was shocked and apologetic. He said he didn't expect such things to happen in the morning on a super busy main road and he was sorry for leaving me alone to look for my phone. I was pretty shaken by that incident and I didn't bother looking for my phone anymore. An hour later or so, I asked Chris if I looked like a prostitute because I couldn't understand why that man would suggest such a thing to a passerby. I was wearing shorts and a tank top. I wasn't naked or in my undergarments. Even if I was naked, there is no reason why that man had to sexually harass me in broad daylight on a busy road. But I was lucky that this happened along a busy road because he couldn't do anything physical to me or force me to the ground. 

Fucking creepy dude, fuck you. I pity your wife and your family for having you as a member of their family. I pity your friends that recognised you as their friend. You are a disgrace to mankind. You are the reason why women don't feel safe walking alone. You are the reason why the majority of men who are much more of a man in their fingertips than you can ever dream to be are forced to live behind your shadow. You disgust me.

Three. I remember how much I love the beach. It has been more than ten years since I felt sand between my toes. I miss the feeling of my feet sinking into the sand. I miss the splash of the cold water as I stroll along the beach. I love beaches. Damn it, I fucking miss the beach right now. I could just walk 500 miles along the sea shore.

Four. Saying goodbye is the hardest. 

Living.

I remember listening to Cat Power's Sea of Love on repeat until I fell asleep. I remember feeling numb and weak; so numb and weak that I couldn't even feel or move my limbs. I just laid on my bed for hours in the same fetal position with that song spiraling around in my head. I remember having tears in my eyes while I was in bed. I remember feeling angry, sad and disappointed, all at the same time. I remember imagining that flicker of hope slowly diminishing into nothingness. I remember sinking into deep slumber, finally able to escape reality just for a while.

Just now, that song was played, randomly chosen from thousands of songs I have on my playlist and I was transported back in time. It's like the emotions and memories are so fresh, I can't do anything but to succumb to the weight of the emotions. I turned speechless and stared at the air.

I guess it's true. You can never forget your first love, no matter how hard you try. It never really goes away.