Keys.

Friendly reminder : Just because I am not saying anything about it, doesn't mean I don't know anything about it. So, please watch what you're posting on Facebook.

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Honest post today.

I can finally able to say this without lying to myself. I'm moving on now. I am no longer clinging to the past. I don't have what ifs taunting me every time I have free time in my hands. I don't hope for anything from you anymore. I am finally free from the clutches of the past. Well, it only took about a year or so. But yeah, the taste of freedom has never tasted so sweet.

What got me clinging to the hope that we might have a second chance was simply, the nature of the relationship. It was light and fun. It was spontaneous giggles and late night calls. It was the relationship I've been waiting for all these years. Of course, I didn't know that this was the kind of relationship that I've been craving for until you happened. That's why the word perfection kept coming up. Too perfect to be true. It felt just right. Too right.

And when everything was gone, it shattered me to pieces. I felt lost and for once, I didn't know what to do. I always had a strategy for everything. Didn't study? Screw it and polish my guessing skills. No clothes? Mix and match. It happened so fast that I had no strategy to get out of it in one piece (because I never felt the need to think about the possibility of a break up) and I was aimless. First, for days. Then, weeks. Months. It was hard on me. I felt like running away from my own body. Thus, apathy.

...Okay, this might sound like those emo and depressing kind of posts kids these days type about but whatever.

At first, I embraced apathy. Like, fuck school. I can wear my shoes however the hell I want. I can walk out of class whenever I feel like without permission. Skip lessons. Not doing homework. Then, it got worse. Not listening to my parents. Not caring if my friend is okay after a break up. Showing the middle finger in front of people who annoyed me. I've finally realised how serious it was when my dad was admitted into the hospital for a possible heart attack late at night. My mum told me about my dad's chest pains and her plans to admit him into the hospital and asked me to go to bed because it's a school night. And I did, without hesitation. Without arguing with my mum that I want to be there in the hospital with the rest of my siblings. I slept. I went to school the next day as though it was like any other ordinary day.

Then it finally hit me that if I continued to be this way, I would really end up being incapable of feeling anything. It might end up being a permanent thing and I won't be able to recognise emotions anymore. So, kids. Do not try this at home. Or at your friend's place.

Despite everything, I came out alive. Literally and figuratively. I did not try to commit suicide like those emo movies. I did not try to stand in front of a train like what Bruno Mars told us to do. I am capable of feeling again. I am beginning to socialise now. I turned out pretty fine actually. I'm so boss at this, jyeah.

It was a pretty eventful year for me. The struggles and the mental battles. But safe to say, I am okay now. I am moving on now.

This is so gonna be in my autobiography. Chyeah.